The ER Guy

(With apologies to Billy Joel)

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The Regular dregs shuffle in
There's an 18 year old unconsious on stretcher 3
Seems he drank too much vodka and gin

Another says, "Doc, can you get me a pain killer
I'm not really sure what it's called
But it goes in the iv, pushed in quick and completely
And it's called something like "Shemerol"

La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Give us a drug, you're the ER guy
Give us a drug tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for some ketamine
Because it make us feel all right

Now John down the hall is a friend of mine
He gets me my ketamine quickly
And he's quick with a shot, alwayts gets the right spot
But there's somewhere that he'd rather be

He says, "Doc, I believe my gout killing me."
And he pointed at his swollen feet
"Well I'm sure that I could feel all better
If I could get colchicine for free"

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

And the porter is running a stretcher out
As the paramedics slowly march in
Yes, they're brining another acute MI down
And three ankle fractures just hobbled in
Now Paul cirrhotic with large varices
Who still enjoyed 24 beer a day
And he's talkin' with Bob Stokes who still say that he smokes
Despite being on oxygen
Give us a drug, you're the ER guy

Give us a drug tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for some sedatives
Because it make us feel all right

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the nurse manager gives me a frown
'Cause she knows we've got no beds for all the drunken heads
So they'll be in the hall for a while
And the babies scream down in the Paeds room
And the hip fracture smells like urine
I've got four hours left in my night shift
And wonder what the hell am I doing here
Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Give us a drug, you're the ER guy
Give us a drug tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for some ketamine
Because it make us feel all right