Navonim - The Ramblings of Garnel Ironheart

Navonim - The Ramblings of Garnel Ironheart
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Wednesday, 20 January 2010

The New Rules

As featured recently on Matzav, our spiritual guardians have decided that it is time to extend their benign oversight over our lives and thinking processes into the area of music.  Apparently we are now to look for hechshers not only on water and lettuce but also on music.
(Note that at the bottom of the article, Matzav admits that the spiritual guardians do not include the Chareidi leaders at this time which makes one wonder...)
But that got me to thinking about how hefker listening to music generally is.  So, consulting my well-thumbed 3rd edition Minchas Pinchas and referencing the gemara in Bubbe Maaseh when necessary, I came up with the following rules all yirei Shamayim should follow when listening to music to ensure the highest spiritual benefits:
1) After listening to country music, you must wait 6 hours before listening to rock unless it was German country music in which case you only have to wait 3 hours.
2) One should not listen to classical music and the blues at the same time because of sakanah.
3) If one has played pop music in a CD player, one must wait 24 hours before playing another type of music in the machine.  However, in a time of great need, one can immerse the CD player in boiling water and then put the new CD in.
4) When a CD is removed from its package for the first time, it must be rinsed thoroughly with water, submerged in salt for half an hour and then rinsed again before it can be used.
5) During Pesach, any songs that reference words such as "bread" or other chometz items must be sold to a non-Jew.
I'm sure there's more.  Any suggestions?

5 comments:

E-Man said...

very funny, and the list could go on forever.

Anonymous said...

if you have one of those machines that hold 50 cd's and you mixed rock with classic, you must bury the whole thing as it becomes Asur Bi'Hana'a. You may not burn it as that would further "mix" the two

Off the Derech said...

It's nice to know you have the capacity for humor. I didn't know it was possible.

FrumJewInYU said...

New iPods must be toveled.

Yosef Greenberg said...

Ma'aser for Israeli produced music.

Shechita/milah on all cd covers.